Red Meat

Mine

Kitfo. Ethiopian. Nothing but raw meat and fire, my two favorite things. Take a lump of butter and melt it in a skillet. Add cayenne and chili powder. If you have Brother Bru-Bru's sauce, add that too. Add salt. Stir thoroughly. Take a pound and a half of lean ground round in a bowl; pour the butter and stuff over it and munge it up. Serve with injera (essentially crepes made of sourdough Tef batter).

Steak Orca. Like Steak Diane, only more excessive. Take 1 1" thick prime steak per carnivore, and pound it between pieces of plastic wrap (the plastic wrap is so that the meat spreads out as it flattens, rather than just turning to mush); you don't need to pound it much -- if you like, you can butterfly it instead. Cast the steak into a skillet where you've melted a knob of butter with a splash of burgundy in it, then strew chopped shallots over the top. Turn the steak and put the shallots back on top after you turn it. After just enough time to get the steak warmish inside, pour a couple tablespoons of warmed alembic brandy over the steak, then light it. Add a little more wine when the flame is almost out, give the pan a shake, then take the steak out of the pan. Deglaze the pan with some basic Espagnole sauce (a la Escoffier) and let the sauce reduce; add back the steak along with some shavings of black truffle, and let them cook a tiny bit more all together. Take the steak out of the pan to serve it; pour the pan yummies over the top; drizzle with a little truffle oil for extra extravagance. If you're cooking for more than one carnivore and your skillet is big enough, you can cook two steaks at a time.

Someone Else's

Jim, Jodi, and Sharon are real people, their last names have been withheld.

> Date: 5/27/94 10:02 AM
> To: Jim
> From: Jodi
> If you plan to attend Sharon's luncheon, please let me know your 
> selection by Tuesday, June 7 ($10/person).  The choices are:
> 
> --Broiled Sole Fillets - lightly seasoned or stuffed and served with rice pilaf
> --Popcorn Shrimp - bite sized breaded shrimp served with a baked potato
> --Grilled Chicken Breast - marinated boneless chicken breast served with 
>   rice pilaf
> OR
> --Chicken Fresco - baked chicken tenderloins & vegatables all in a light 
>   garlic & parmesan cheese sauce, served over linguini with fresh brocolli
> 
> Thanks!  Jodi

Dear Jodi,

Thank you for arranging this luncheon for Sharon. I'm deciding what 
to order, and I have a question.

What about us carnivores?  I want meat. Red raw meat. I want them to lead 
it in on a rope and I want it to "moo" when I bite into it. I don't want 
anybody I know to see me eating "rice pilaf" or  "chicken Fresco".  In fact 
I don't want anybody who knows anybody I know to see me doing so. I want a 
dignified American meal of steak and potatoes by God, served with flagons of 
blood-red wine. I want Hungarian red wine, with a picture of a cow on the 
label.  I want to think about Eastern Europeans making this wine for slave 
wages and making it badly. I want the whole bottle. I want several.  I want 
it served on a white tablecloth and I want that tablecloth to be so soiled 
when we're done that it can't even be used for rags. I want a meal to 
remember, in the midst of bawdy company. I want someone to tell off-color 
jokes and I want us all to laugh till we cry. I want some of us to discover 
that the person we've mumbled at as we've passed in the halls these last 
5 years is a sexual rogue. I want several people to fail to return to work 
afterward. I want to see a disciplinary memo sent down from the director's 
office in the wake of all this. I want the restaurant to refuse to serve 
anyone from the Lab for the next two years. I want to generate gossip. I 
want media coverage. I want arrests. I want some careers to be launched and 
others destroyed. I want this luncheon to divide time into a before and 
an after.  Despite her acute embarrassment at all this, I want Sharon to 
change her mind and stay.

That's what I REALLY want. I just KNOW you're going to tell me I can't 
have it.  So I'll get back to you with my food order. 
                                                        Jim


Or, if you'd like it put more emphatically:

From: dfx@usis.com (dfx)
Newsgroups: rec.food.veg,alt.mcdonalds,alt.flame,alt.politics.usa.republican,
   alt.food.taco-bell, alt.food.mcdonalds, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,
   alt.culture.oregon, alt.agriculture.misc, soc.culture.indian, 
   alt.fan.jai-maharaj
Subject: Re: ANTI BEEF (Maharaj can kiss my meat eating ass)
Organization: MEAT EATING, EARTH KILLING, PUNK R0CK M0THER FUKERZ

jai@aloha.com (Dr. Jai Maharaj) writes:

>     * Meat-eaters have higher blood pressure, are more 
>hypertensive and violent.  Public funds are used for research and 
>treatment.  Everyone is forced to pay the price of violence and 
>crime.  Meat-eaters hurt themselves, their families and others.
> 
> Meat-eaters hurt everyone.
> Meat-eaters hurt everyone.
> Meat-eaters hurt everyone.

  AND WE'RE DAMN PROUD OF IT T00, Y0U ST00PID FR00T L00P.

  After reading Ja-I-have-no-clue's lame ass, crap filled, VEGATUBULZ R 
  PE0PUL T00 message for the 10,000th time in the last month, I was 
  inspired to leave the house and make a dramatic change in my eating 
  habits. As I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru and gazed at the
  death infested menu which was so obviously responsible for breast cancer,
  arthritis, Erik Estrada, racism, and every tragedy in the last 9,000,000
  years, Jai's words really touched me and I had a change of heart. Instead
  of my usual "Can I have a #3 combo with a coke, please?", I shouted, 

  "Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T
   THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!"

  "Ok sir, you wanted a Quarter pounder, just plain, is that correct?"

  "N0 B1TCH! I ZED I WANTED A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! GET IT R1TE 0R DIE!"

  <quiet laughter heard through speaker>

  "A what pounder?!"
 
  "A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER!"

  "Uh.. I don't think we have that. Are you sure you don't mean a quarter
   pounder?"

  "N0 I D0N'T MEEN A FUKN MEEZLY AZZ QUARTUR P0UNDER! HERE'Z WHAT I WANT -
   2 FUKN D0UBLE QUARTER P0UNDERZ PUT T0GETHER 2 MAKE 1 QUADR0 P0UNDER!"

  "Ooohhh..  you want *2* double quarter pounders then?"

  "N0 B1TCH! I WANT 1 FUKN QUADR0 P0UNDER! TAKE THE 2 D0UBLEZ, PUT THEM 
   T0GETHUR AND GIV ME 1 QUADR0! U G0T IT YET BRAINIAK?"

  <more laughter and employees looking out the back entrance window>

  "Oh! Ok..  I think we can do that. Would you like cheese on that?"

  "FUK N0 B1TCH! I WANT 4 H0T SLABZ 0F C0W DETH 0N A BUN WITH N0 FUKING 
   HIPPIE AZZ VEGETABULZ! I ALZ0 D0NT WANT ANY FUKING LAME VEGAN FRIEZ 
   0R ANY TYPE 0F RECYKULD PAKAGING. N0 KUP, N0 BAG, N0 WRAPPERZ..  PUT 
   THE SHIT 0N THE WIND0W K0UNTER THING AND I WILL TAKE IT. AND TELL JAI
   T0 G0 FUK A K0K0NUT T00!"

  "Who?!"
 
  "FUK IT & GIMME THAT WHICH IZ THE S0URCE 0F ALL EVIL... N0W!"

  "Thank you. Please drive to the 2nd window."

  For the record, I got my fucking Quadro pounder and it r0cked. I am 
  faxing McDonald's tomorrow and demanding that this awesome item be 
  permanently added to every McDonald's menu around the world. 

  I'm a meat eater.
  I'm hypertensive.
  I'm violent.

  And if you get in between me and a plate of animal death, I will fucking
  kill your pathetic ass and then go kill some trees in order to build a 
  coffin to bury you in. 

  DETH IZ IMMINENT. THE EARTH MUZT DIE. MEAT EATERZ ARE THE MAJ0RITY AND 
  WE'R FUKIN PISSED. GIVE US WHAT WE WANT 0R BE PREPARED T0 FACE THE WRATH.

  Drunkfux . cDc - Cult Of The Dead Cow . Senior Vice Prez
  ftp.eff.org : /pub/Publications/CuD/CDC 
  alt.fan.cult-dead-cow

People Eating Tasty Animals

The National Cattlemen's Beef Association - Their recipes

Where to get USDA Prime beef and other delicacies for carnivores

Bay Gourmet

Pork the One You Love